Belief

This week our teacher posed the question of, “One thing I have learned to be true during my life is…” This got me thinking about my life thus far. I have survived eighteen long years of life. That’s more than a few people have had the pleasure of living. In eighteen years I have learned a plethora of different lessons. However, throughout all the different lessons there is one truth that I still hold dear.

            My one truth is to believe. That doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to believe in God, but belief gives your life meaning. For me, I believe in God. I love Jesus, but I didn’t always. There was a time in my life that I hated God. I thought he was out to get me. I figured if he truly was there for me…well he’d have made sure that nothing bad ever happened to me. Then I went to one of the most WONDERFUL places on Earth. It’s a church camp called Chapel Rock. One week a year I go to Prescott, Arizona. That week I get to leave all my troubles and drama behind and really focus on God. They people there help you to learn that you don’t have to face the world alone. You will always have God. It was there that I was able to see the beauty in God.

That camp was the place I realized that God didn’t cause hardships, but He helped you through them. He is always looking over your shoulder and guiding you. After that week, I began to see the beauty in everything, and my life improved in a major way. I wasn’t so negative about everything. I started to pray almost every day.  When I talked to God I felt like I could take on the world. However, belief doesn’t always refer to God.

You can have belief in just about anything. There is a book called This I Believe. The book is a compilation of essays where people talk about a truth they have learned. There were people who talked about tipping the pizza guy, or wearing footy pajamas. Believing can be a dedication such as a dedication to a sport. My brother believes so deeply that he will be a running back for the Pittsburg Steelers that is guiding his life. He plays football every year. To stay in shape the rest of the year he plays baseball, basketball, and he wrestles. His belief in his dream has given him direction and purpose.

            The lesson this week is just to believe. Find something that you’re really passionate about and dedicate yourself to it. Now, that doesn’t mean that you should stop eating, sleeping, and going to school for this one belief. It just means that you should let this belief guide you even if that belief isn’t in God. Just try to believe in yourself, your dreams, or whatever else you are passionate about. Do this, and you will find true happiness and fulfillment.  

I Will Remember You...

 This week our English teacher asked us to write a blog about someone we met during high school that we will never forget. I thought that I would be quite simple to write this blog because I have met so many phenomenal people during my high school career. However, that just wasn’t the case. There are too many people that I don’t think I could forget. So, I decided to write about the person that changed my life while I have been in high school.
 My junior year in high school was really tough. I had a myriad of things going on, and I wasn’t sure how to juggle them all. I was in five advanced placement classes. One of them was calculus…which frankly is more than any teen should ever have to handle!  I was also in the drama club, AP club, FCCLA, National Honors Society, and chess. It was stressful, but it wasn’t just the school work that was stressful. My home life was far from easy.
 Anyone who knows my mother would agree that she has had a severely tough time the past twenty years. She was addicted to drugs, and she was an alcoholic. If an adult is intoxicated their abilities to think and rationalize are impaired. Needless to say my mother was in no condition to be caring for three children. This meant that they care of my siblings fell on me.
There was a day last year that was harder than the rest. I just wanted it all to end. I thought that maybe if I dropped out of high school then taking care of my family would be easier. Then I went to my AP English 11 class. I confided in my teacher that I was thinking about dropping out. She told me that it would be the biggest mistake I ever made. She told me her story of how she took care of her family while she was a full time student in college. Her story inspired me so much that I decided to finish high school in the top ten percent.
Today, my mother has been sober for almost a year. My brother and sister are content, and I am going to finish high school ranked number six out of 153. I owe all of this to my English teacher…who convinced me that there was no investment greater than my education. I know there are some of you that think, “Oh, she’s just sucking up to the teacher because this blog is for a grade,” but that isn’t what this was about. I was asked to write a blog about someone I met in high school I would NEVER forget. Mrs. Caffey is the reason I’m going to finish high school. She is also my inspiration to become an English teacher myself.
So, here is the lesson this week: never give in. I know its cliché, but it’s the truth. There is no reason you can’t finish anything you set your mind to.  I also want to challenge you to thank the person in your life that inspired you. Whether it’s your mother, teacher, dad, whom ever... just tell them what they did for you.
Thank you, Mrs. Caffey; for all that you have done for me.

Worry Not

 This week I decided to go back to my childhood and watch The Lion King. It’s a lovely little story about a young lion growing up to be a manly lion. At one point in the story Simba, the main lion, is having a really tough time. His father has just been murdered by his uncle, and Simba has been blamed for his murder! However, all hope is not lost! A warthog, Pumba, and a mercat, Timon, help Simba to realize that everything will be alright. They tell him, “Hakuna Matata. It means no worries.” This is a good philosophy to model your life after. It does no good to excessively worry. All it does is increase you stress level…often for no good reason. Most often it’s better to just relax. Over the last few months I have been worrying far more than is healthy.
 Graduation is an amazing time in a senior’s life. It’s a time for growth and expression. So far, mine hasn’t been. I have been so stressed about finding money for college, and I have been worrying about what is going to happen to my family when I go away to college. Needless to say my senior year hasn’t been the carefree existence it was supposed to be. Then one fine, cold winter day my grandpa pulled me aside at a family gathering. He told me not to worry so much. He also told me, “You’re a smart and strong young women. Try not to worry. I know you’ll figure it out.” That was when I decided to quit stressing about what my life will be and focus on what it is. It has improved my life so much! I have had more fun since then: hanging out with my friends, watching movies, listening to music. I’m just trying to enjoy doing “normal” kid stuff. Sure enough I figured out what to do with my life shortly after that talk with my grandpa. All the worry and stress just clouded my brain to the obvious answer. Now my senior life is more enjoyable, and I managed to get rid of that pesky stomach ache. Life is good. :)
 So, here is the lesson this week: it doesn’t help to worry. When all you focus on is what is to come
you forget about what is. This is a crucial time in our lives. Seniors I mean. We are about to start a new chapter in our lives, but before we do we have to enjoy our last few months in high school. This is the last time we will be this carefree and wild! We should enjoy it while it lasts. Worrying takes away from the joy of these months. Things will work out, and the solution is probably right there in front of you if only you would relax. It is like our English teacher says, “Choose the joy!” If we do that life will run a bit smoother.

What You Say

This week I have spent quite a bit of time in my car. One night on my way home I heard a song that got me thinking. The song is called A Million Lives by Jake Miller. The entire song is about how his words have touched the lives of his fans. He says:

I've met a million people, been a million places
Shook a million hands, seen a million faces
I've had a million lows, and a million more highs
No I haven't made a million, but I've touched a million lives

His song really makes sense to me. In the world today you just never know how your words are going to affect the people you come into contact with. I have experienced this first hand. Last summer I went to an amazing camp called Chapel Rock. It’s a church camp that I have attended for eight summers and is my favorite place to be. That summer I rediscovered God, and that’s a really big deal for me. It wasn’t just the camp that inspired me. It was my cabin counselor.
One night during cabin time, which is a time when we answer some seriously tough, emotional questions, we had to talk about why we were there that week. I spoke about how I finally wanted to have a relationship with God, but I felt like I couldn’t really trust Him. I felt that way because of the things that had happened to me as a kid. Chelsea, my counselor, looked at me and smiled. She told me that she had a similar situation, but she told me that God never gives us something we can’t handle. Then she said something that I now live by. She quoted the Bible, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)” It was a conversation that changed my entire perception on life and faith. Chelsea may not know it, but her words changed my life spiritually. Anything we say can change someone or inspire them.
Of course this means that we must be careful with what we say. Our words can have a positive and lasting effect on people, but I can also be negative and hurtful. It may be hard to believe, but there was a time when I was a very negative person. I hated the world and every living thing on it, and that attitude started to affect the people I love most. During one summer, my sister screamed at my brother when they were playing in the pool. She had taken the only inflatable bed from him while he was still on it. When he protested she told him, “Life sucks and then you die, Jonah!” I couldn’t believe what I had heard. My little sister, only ten years old, was as negative as I was, and I hated it. From then on I tried to be more positive, and I attempted to show my sister that life was wonderful. I also learned what an impact my words could have on others. Here is the lesson this week: watch what you say even when you think no one is listening. Your words have the potential to inspire or to destroy, so make them count and make them inspirational.

The Hardest Thing

This week I have been watching a TV show called Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It’s a show about a teen girl who has to save the world on a regular basis. In the last episode of season five, The Gift, Buffy has to give her life to save the world…again. She tells her sister, “…the hardest thing in this world-is to live in it…” I can really relate to this quote.  The world is a dark and scary place. People cheat and they lie. They even kill. It makes living here feel like a chore, but it’s not. The gift of life is a beautiful thing…even if it doesn’t always feel like it.
The last few months have been extremely hard for me. I lost my great grandmother on November 11, 2012. I was really close to her, so her death hasn’t been easy to deal with. There was a time when I felt like giving up. I felt that life was too hard, and it wasn’t worth living in the first place. For a while I was really depressed…and then I thought about how mad my great grandma would be if she knew I was having these thoughts. She would tell me how life was a wonderful gift from God, and it wasn’t something to be sad about. After this realization things got better. I came to terms with her death, and even found a form of peace. Then my stepdad came back into my life. He was staying at our house for a few days and it felt like my own personal “Hell on Earth.” I started to shut down again because it hurt too much to feel. I stopped talking to my friends. I ignored my family. I wasn’t eating. It was a terrible time in my life. That was when Buffy reminded me again of what it meant to live.
In a different episode in season three, Amends, Buffy tells her friend Angel, “It's hard, and it's painful, and it's every day.” She was talking about living, and her words are extremely accurate. Living is hard, but it’s worth it. She reminded me of that. After watching this, I started to get better. I started to live again. There are still days when I feel like it’s too much, but I don’t think I’ll ever return to that dark hole I was living in. I learned to love life again.
The lesson for this week is to live. There are good times, and there are hard times. There are going to be days when death seems like the better option. However, you can’t ever give up on life. It’s not as easy as some may think, but in the end there is nothing more rewarding. Living is the best gift we have ever been given, and we need to treat it as such. So, live. Enjoy the little things. Laugh. Cry. Just treat life like the gift it is.

Expressions

This week I got a new tattoo.

 While I find tattoos to be a beautiful form of art some of my family disagrees with me. A few of my family members disagreed with my choice to get another tattoo. They view people who have tattoos as destructive. However this situation reminded me of a Lady Gaga song called Born This Way. At one point in the song she sings, “…I’m beautiful in my way…” which I can really relate to at this point. Even though my family views my tattoos as ugly and destructive they make me feel more beautiful. Now that I have another tattoo my family feels that I am an even bigger disappointment. I don’t think that because I altered my body that makes me a failure. They want to pick and choose which parts of me they love, and that just isn’t how love works. You love someone despite their “flaws”. Which brings me to the lesson for this week: people express themselves in different ways,
but that doesn’t make them bad for doing it.
 There are a myriad of way people express themselves. A few people change the way they dress, or they change their hair. Some get tattoos. That doesn’t make them a bad person for expressing themselves in less conventional methods. Tattooing is just another form of art and expression. However, people with tattoos are often misjudged as criminals or hooligans. They are just projecting themselves to the rest of the world. Their choice of expression doesn’t make them a horrid human being, and these assumptions are extremely hurtful.
 When I got my first tattoo some of my family thought it was a really stupid decision because I was only 16 at the time. That wasn’t such a big deal. I had made decisions in the past that they had disagreed with, but one of my aunts said that I was no longer a good niece…well that hurt. I choose to express myself in a way that she didn’t like, but did that make me a bad person. In the end, I decided that it didn’t. Getting a tattoo didn’t change my core personality traits it just changed the way the back of my neck looks. I am still the same Alicia I just have something that makes me a little different. Just like Lady Gaga said, “…I’m beautiful in my way…” My tattoos don’t define who I am they just make me more beautiful.
 The lesson this week is that changing something about yourself or expressing yourself doesn’t make you a good or bad person. Dressing different, changing your hair, or getting a tattoo doesn’t change the person you are. It may portray a certain image to the world, but it doesn’t define you either. So, try not to make the decision of character based on the way a person looks. Their personality doesn’t directly coincide with the way they look.

First Impressions

This week I have been sick and out of school. When I wasn’t sleeping or coughing I was watching movies. I was watching A Cinderella Story, which is a modern day version of Cinderella, and something the main character, Sam/Cinderella, said that stuck with me. At one point in the movie she is talking with “prince charming” who claims that he has no idea who she really is, but that he knows that he has seen her before. She tells him, “Maybe you were looking but you weren’t really seeing.” That’s something many of us do. When we see a girl dressed in a promiscuous fashion, and most often we assume that she is exactly that: promiscuous. We make assumptions based on first impressions, but that isn’t right or fair.
We don’t know everything about someone when we first meet them. Heck, even after years of knowing someone you may not know everything about them.
I know that I have misjudged people in my life. My best friend, for example, was someone that I sorely misjudged. He came to Holbrook in the sixth grade, and I thought he was a snob. He came across as some jerk who thought he owned the world, or at least that was what I thought. Now that I see who he really is I know that what I thought was dead wrong. I was mistaken to assume I knew him because I talked to him for fifteen minutes. He is sweet and funny…and he is my best friend. I also know what it is like to be judged based on a first impression.
When I was in junior high I was weird. I was awkward, and I had a hard time making friends. I know that many of the kids I went to school with avoided me for this very reason. What they don’t know is what I was going through at the time. My mother was getting a divorce, and it really hurt me. I was twelve and didn’t know how to express my feelings, but that didn’t stop the other kids from making fun of me. I don’t hold it against them now because I’m older and they understand what I was dealing with. However, at the time they still took one look at me and thought I was a freak, and it hurt.
It is a knee- jerk reaction to make judgments about someone the first time we meet them. We just need to get into the practice of not acting on those assumptions. If we try to get to know them and see them for who they really are there will be less anger and fighting in the world. People wouldn’t have so many enemies because there would be better communication between us. Judgments are harsh and often wrong. Here’s the lesson: try not to act on first impressions. Don’t let them be the deciding factor on which people you’re friends with. Otherwise you might miss out on some fabulous, misunderstood weirdoes like me. :)

Easy vs. Right

This week I started to re-read the amazing Harry Potter books.  In the forth book, The Goblet of Fire, Dumbledore is addressing Harry and says, “…the time should come when you have to make a choice between what is right, and what is easy…” I understand where Dumbledore is coming from when he says this. Life is complicated, and we are all faced with difficult choices.
 Each of us will have to make some very tough calls throughout life: whether or not to go to college, if we should major is education or criminal justice, or if we should go out with our friends this Saturday night. Though not all our choices are life altering that doesn’t mean that they aren’t difficult to make. For instance, I graduate in May and I am faced with the decision about college. Should I go away to college or should I stay in Holbrook. I know that either way I am going to college, but I have no idea where. It would be much easier to go away to college, and leave my family here, but is that the right decision. My family needs me, especially my mother. I’m torn. Though this isn’t the biggest choice I’ll make in my life time I am still struggling with it, and we all have trouble making these types of decisions.

The “easy way out” is often tempting because life can be so hard. It can be easier to not have to face an emotionally difficult decision in favor for a simpler one, but avoiding these issues doesn’t make them go away. After trying to take that “easy way out” you come to find it didn’t leave you where you wanted to be, but that’s how we grow. We make mistakes. We try to make life easier on ourselves. However, it often just makes doing the right thing that much harder. Yet we as humans often go back and do the right thing. Even if it takes years for us to correct our decision… we almost always do. 
Dumbledore taught me that we do have to make a choice when life gets hard, but what I also took from his words is that we will make the right choice in the end. He the upmost faith in Harry’s ability to lead and carry on even when is life took a turn for the worse. This quote couldn’t have come at a better time. I was losing my faith in people’s abilities to be good, but we all mess up at some point in our lives. However, it’s our ability to correct those mistakes that makes us remarkable. In the end most make the right choice, and are better for it. My lesson for the week is this: make the right choices. Whenever, however you do just make the right choice for you. You may not see the solution now, but it will come, and when it does you’ll know.

Logic and Reson

In hindsight, I probably should have mentioned in my first post what my blog was going to be about. However, what I was writing last week just seemed slightly more important. The purpose of this blog is to write about a lesson that I have learned each week that, I feel, is important enough to share. The lessons could come from a story, a quote, a movie, etc. Each of these mediums can teach us a variety of things, and I plan to share these lessons here on this blog.
This week I have been watching a TV show, Charmed, with my best friend, Jon. I introduced him to the show because he likes the world of the supernatural just as much as I do. We have just begun season 3, and I came across a quote that I really liked. In this season the main character’s grandmother comes back from the dead and says, “All valid points, but logic and reason go out the window when love gets involved. (Season 3, episode 2)” I understand what she means by this. Love doesn’t always make sense. When it starts, it can often be mistaken for dislike or even hatred. Then it can grow into a life-long relationship. Or the person you are in love with your entire family hates. To them it doesn’t make sense for you to love that person, but in your head and heart he/she is the only person you could love. Also, when you are young many don’t think that you can love in the same way as an adult can. I disagree. A parent at 40 may think that their 16 year old daughter isn’t truly in love with her boyfriend, but that is the truth of love as the 16 year old sees it.
As a third party, or an outsider, we could never see what qualities either person possessed that made the other fall in love, but just because we don’t understand it doesn’t mean it isn’t love. For instance, when my mother met my father all my grandparents could see was a dead beat working at a truck stop. Even I can’t see what brought them together, but what my mother saw was a good man with a big heart. Or an even more generic example: when two people of the same sex love each other. To the rest of the world what they feel isn’t love, but a force that is against nature. Who are we to question what is or isn’t love for them? Love means different things to different people, and the truth of love is different for each person. What’s my lesson: love isn’t logical and it doesn’t always make sense. The only way that it ever does is when you are on the inside of it. Only when it is happening to you can all the wonders of it. Thanks to “Grams” I understand love a little bit better, so when I am much, much older I can appreciate it more than I would have otherwise.

Love Makes Us Lairs

This week I have read a series of books by Cassandra Clare. Their plot mostly centers on a young couple who are trying to find a way to be together around their busy lives and various other complications. At some point in the first book a main character, Jace, states, “Love makes us liars.” It struck me as true. Love does make us lairs in a plethora of ways. When a mother tells her child that “everything is going to be ok” she’s lying, but they don’t do it to hurt their children. It’s a reflex to protect them. Sometimes the truth is more painful than necessary. Why burden a child with the woes of adulthood at young age? Why tell your child that you have lost your job, and that you cannot pay the rent. That child would probably grow into a slightly neurotic adult. Or when a very sick person tells her family she’s going to be okay. That may very well NOT be the case, but it would be hard to hurt your family that way. They would need that tiny sliver of hope to endure what hardships lay ahead. I never thought I would condone lying and in a way I still don’t, but this seems different. There was a time in my life when I had little hope, but I would pretend that everything was “ok” for my siblings, that I love. It was so far from the truth, but how could I look my own sister in the eye, and tell her that there was no hope.  I knew that if I told her “all was lost” she would have given up. Also, I couldn’t place my pessimism on a small eight year old. In a way, this book taught me the difference between lying to deceive and lying to protect.  So suddenly my black and white lines of lying have moved into the gray. It was one principle I thought I had no reservations on, but now I’m not so sure. However, this book did come at an opportune time in my life. Right now I am faced with the wonders of adulthood. Being “on your own” is a frightening prospect, and I thought I was ready to face the world with my morals…but how can I do that if I’m not sure what those morals are. I would rather question it now, and not when I’m on my own 200 miles from home. In a safe environment I’ll feel safe to explore.  Thanks to this world of fiction I learned a very real-world lesson. Aside from the lesson of, “love makes us liars,” which I truly believe, I also learned that not all our morals are going to be in black and white. At times they are going to be various shades of gray as well. (No pun intended.) And that’s okay. Life is rarely black and white.  It’s full of grays, blues, and all the in-betweens.