Love Makes Us Lairs

This week I have read a series of books by Cassandra Clare. Their plot mostly centers on a young couple who are trying to find a way to be together around their busy lives and various other complications. At some point in the first book a main character, Jace, states, “Love makes us liars.” It struck me as true. Love does make us lairs in a plethora of ways. When a mother tells her child that “everything is going to be ok” she’s lying, but they don’t do it to hurt their children. It’s a reflex to protect them. Sometimes the truth is more painful than necessary. Why burden a child with the woes of adulthood at young age? Why tell your child that you have lost your job, and that you cannot pay the rent. That child would probably grow into a slightly neurotic adult. Or when a very sick person tells her family she’s going to be okay. That may very well NOT be the case, but it would be hard to hurt your family that way. They would need that tiny sliver of hope to endure what hardships lay ahead. I never thought I would condone lying and in a way I still don’t, but this seems different. There was a time in my life when I had little hope, but I would pretend that everything was “ok” for my siblings, that I love. It was so far from the truth, but how could I look my own sister in the eye, and tell her that there was no hope.  I knew that if I told her “all was lost” she would have given up. Also, I couldn’t place my pessimism on a small eight year old. In a way, this book taught me the difference between lying to deceive and lying to protect.  So suddenly my black and white lines of lying have moved into the gray. It was one principle I thought I had no reservations on, but now I’m not so sure. However, this book did come at an opportune time in my life. Right now I am faced with the wonders of adulthood. Being “on your own” is a frightening prospect, and I thought I was ready to face the world with my morals…but how can I do that if I’m not sure what those morals are. I would rather question it now, and not when I’m on my own 200 miles from home. In a safe environment I’ll feel safe to explore.  Thanks to this world of fiction I learned a very real-world lesson. Aside from the lesson of, “love makes us liars,” which I truly believe, I also learned that not all our morals are going to be in black and white. At times they are going to be various shades of gray as well. (No pun intended.) And that’s okay. Life is rarely black and white.  It’s full of grays, blues, and all the in-betweens.