This week I have been watching a TV show called Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It’s a show about a teen girl who has to save the world on a regular basis. In the last episode of season five, The Gift, Buffy has to give her life to save the world…again. She tells her sister, “…the hardest thing in this world-is to live in it…” I can really relate to this quote. The world is a dark and scary place. People cheat and they lie. They even kill. It makes living here feel like a chore, but it’s not. The gift of life is a beautiful thing…even if it doesn’t always feel like it.
The last few months have been extremely hard for me. I lost my great grandmother on November 11, 2012. I was really close to her, so her death hasn’t been easy to deal with. There was a time when I felt like giving up. I felt that life was too hard, and it wasn’t worth living in the first place. For a while I was really depressed…and then I thought about how mad my great grandma would be if she knew I was having these thoughts. She would tell me how life was a wonderful gift from God, and it wasn’t something to be sad about. After this realization things got better. I came to terms with her death, and even found a form of peace. Then my stepdad came back into my life. He was staying at our house for a few days and it felt like my own personal “Hell on Earth.” I started to shut down again because it hurt too much to feel. I stopped talking to my friends. I ignored my family. I wasn’t eating. It was a terrible time in my life. That was when Buffy reminded me again of what it meant to live.
In a different episode in season three, Amends, Buffy tells her friend Angel, “It's hard, and it's painful, and it's every day.” She was talking about living, and her words are extremely accurate. Living is hard, but it’s worth it. She reminded me of that. After watching this, I started to get better. I started to live again. There are still days when I feel like it’s too much, but I don’t think I’ll ever return to that dark hole I was living in. I learned to love life again.
The lesson for this week is to live. There are good times, and there are hard times. There are going to be days when death seems like the better option. However, you can’t ever give up on life. It’s not as easy as some may think, but in the end there is nothing more rewarding. Living is the best gift we have ever been given, and we need to treat it as such. So, live. Enjoy the little things. Laugh. Cry. Just treat life like the gift it is.
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This post seriously couldn't come at a more ideal time for me. This last Thursday, literally five minutes after coming home, my mother told me my grandpa has a cancerous growth in his spine. His doctors told us that the best they can do is treat the pain, and at this point the situation is basically a waiting game. This happened to be the same grandpa that had gotten diagnosed with a mix of Alzheimer's and Dementia, who had lived literally around the corner from me since I can remember. That night I buried myself into my work, almost until 2 O'clock that night. When I finally went to bed, I couldn't sleep. I've been bottling up my emotions since then and haven't done much of anything since. But I definitely needed a reminder for keeping on, and you've brought that. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a great point to bring up. I hit that wall so hard at the end of my sophomore and junior year when both of my grandparents passed away. I was so ready to give up, and I figured what the hey. But then i realized that honestly what would life be without all the ups and downs? What would be the point if nothing was hard. If that was the case i think that the zombie apocalypse has already come while everyone was sleeping because it obviously is going to give everyone a one track mind in the end. Although i probably won't be brains it won't be anything to challenge Einstein with. Good post.
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