Logic and Reson

In hindsight, I probably should have mentioned in my first post what my blog was going to be about. However, what I was writing last week just seemed slightly more important. The purpose of this blog is to write about a lesson that I have learned each week that, I feel, is important enough to share. The lessons could come from a story, a quote, a movie, etc. Each of these mediums can teach us a variety of things, and I plan to share these lessons here on this blog.
This week I have been watching a TV show, Charmed, with my best friend, Jon. I introduced him to the show because he likes the world of the supernatural just as much as I do. We have just begun season 3, and I came across a quote that I really liked. In this season the main character’s grandmother comes back from the dead and says, “All valid points, but logic and reason go out the window when love gets involved. (Season 3, episode 2)” I understand what she means by this. Love doesn’t always make sense. When it starts, it can often be mistaken for dislike or even hatred. Then it can grow into a life-long relationship. Or the person you are in love with your entire family hates. To them it doesn’t make sense for you to love that person, but in your head and heart he/she is the only person you could love. Also, when you are young many don’t think that you can love in the same way as an adult can. I disagree. A parent at 40 may think that their 16 year old daughter isn’t truly in love with her boyfriend, but that is the truth of love as the 16 year old sees it.
As a third party, or an outsider, we could never see what qualities either person possessed that made the other fall in love, but just because we don’t understand it doesn’t mean it isn’t love. For instance, when my mother met my father all my grandparents could see was a dead beat working at a truck stop. Even I can’t see what brought them together, but what my mother saw was a good man with a big heart. Or an even more generic example: when two people of the same sex love each other. To the rest of the world what they feel isn’t love, but a force that is against nature. Who are we to question what is or isn’t love for them? Love means different things to different people, and the truth of love is different for each person. What’s my lesson: love isn’t logical and it doesn’t always make sense. The only way that it ever does is when you are on the inside of it. Only when it is happening to you can all the wonders of it. Thanks to “Grams” I understand love a little bit better, so when I am much, much older I can appreciate it more than I would have otherwise.

Love Makes Us Lairs

This week I have read a series of books by Cassandra Clare. Their plot mostly centers on a young couple who are trying to find a way to be together around their busy lives and various other complications. At some point in the first book a main character, Jace, states, “Love makes us liars.” It struck me as true. Love does make us lairs in a plethora of ways. When a mother tells her child that “everything is going to be ok” she’s lying, but they don’t do it to hurt their children. It’s a reflex to protect them. Sometimes the truth is more painful than necessary. Why burden a child with the woes of adulthood at young age? Why tell your child that you have lost your job, and that you cannot pay the rent. That child would probably grow into a slightly neurotic adult. Or when a very sick person tells her family she’s going to be okay. That may very well NOT be the case, but it would be hard to hurt your family that way. They would need that tiny sliver of hope to endure what hardships lay ahead. I never thought I would condone lying and in a way I still don’t, but this seems different. There was a time in my life when I had little hope, but I would pretend that everything was “ok” for my siblings, that I love. It was so far from the truth, but how could I look my own sister in the eye, and tell her that there was no hope.  I knew that if I told her “all was lost” she would have given up. Also, I couldn’t place my pessimism on a small eight year old. In a way, this book taught me the difference between lying to deceive and lying to protect.  So suddenly my black and white lines of lying have moved into the gray. It was one principle I thought I had no reservations on, but now I’m not so sure. However, this book did come at an opportune time in my life. Right now I am faced with the wonders of adulthood. Being “on your own” is a frightening prospect, and I thought I was ready to face the world with my morals…but how can I do that if I’m not sure what those morals are. I would rather question it now, and not when I’m on my own 200 miles from home. In a safe environment I’ll feel safe to explore.  Thanks to this world of fiction I learned a very real-world lesson. Aside from the lesson of, “love makes us liars,” which I truly believe, I also learned that not all our morals are going to be in black and white. At times they are going to be various shades of gray as well. (No pun intended.) And that’s okay. Life is rarely black and white.  It’s full of grays, blues, and all the in-betweens.